Half of what I eventually want it to be. It’s a simple tattoo with a bittersweet meaning behind it, but I hold it dear to my heart. ♡
A hundred thoughts spinning out of my mind like a hurricane, destroying everything in it’s path… or so, if not now, then soon.
It’s like something I read out of a book, or maybe something I stumbled across at some point in my life, but I’ve always lived by some quote that regarded the idea of loneliness. And in that, it said something along the lines of being the kind of lonely that even a crowded room could not fix. Now, through my time, I’ve learned that there’s a vast difference between feeling lonely vs. alone. Lonely is temporary. Lonely is the feeling that has you crying at 2 am into a pillow rather than into the arms of a loving friend. Lonely is curable, by a crowded room perhaps, but curable. But alone, alone is abandonment. Alone is not permanent, but destructive. Alone is the kind of feeling that crowded room could not fix. And that, that feeling is no stranger to me.
Welcome to Research Methods in Psychology, where on a gender scale, full maleness is tough, lazy, and David Beckham & full femaleness is emotional, wonderful, and Beyoncé. 😂 (at California State University, Fullerton)
I’m so excited, I can’t sleep.
Plus, my boyfriend is sick with the fever right next to me and I wanna make sure he has everything he needs at my bedside table in case he wakes up and needs something. I love being the one to care of him, but I hate seeing him so sick :(
What does it take to cut brick toast? A lawyer, a biologist, and a computer scientist. 👍 (at Guppy’s Teahouse)
I ran into my research professor from last semester, and had a pretty long conversation with him. Apparently, I was the top student in his class, so he invited me to be a T.A. for his research class next semester. I agreed, but that wasn’t the amazing part.
My research professor has a career which allows him to travel the world during winter and summer vacations in order to not only research but even to present in front of big institutions, (including the White House at some point, conferences spread out throughout the world, sometimes even for a profit. He gave me an invitation to go with him along with a select few students (including some Ph.D. students) to research and present with him next summer. He is interested in helping me succeed and help guide me along the path towards law school, and is more than willing to write me a letter of recommendation (which has helped one of his previous students get into Columbia University (which is very close to my dream school) as well as Standford University.
I’m honestly at a loss of words. It’s been quite a struggle, especially with feeling very low academically, feeling mediocre… but Dr. Espinoza has reminded me of how outstanding I’ve performed academically just these last two years alone with a 4.0 GPA, straight A’s all four semesters and Dean’s Honors List for four years in psychology and two in political science/pre-law. I am in complete shock, but nevertheless grateful.
Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never in heart. 👫💕
You’re going to meet a boy who won’t even think twice about wanting to date you, he will care so much about you that he won’t have to choose who he wants to be with because he will know the only person he wants to be with is with you. He won’t hurt you, he will love you. He won’t make you cry, he will make you laugh. He will know that when you say you only want two scoops of ice cream, you really mean three. He won’t judge you, he will understand. He won’t make you feel like you are worthless, he will make you feel like a princess. He won’t break your heart, he will hold it in his hand as if he was holding the world. He won’t complain when you ask him to watch a romantic movie, he will watch it anyways because he will know how much you enjoy them. He won’t tell you you’re sexy, he will instead tell you you’re beautiful. He won’t be embarrassed when you do something silly in public, because he will be the one next to you being silly with you.
He won’t be ashamed of you when you tell him your flaws and mistakes, he will hold you and love you anyways. He won’t make you feel like an object, he will treat you with respect.
He won’t get angry when you wake him up with a text at 3am because you are on the verge of breaking down. He will feel special because you trusted him enough to let him see you in your most vulnerable state. He won’t have to ask you if you are upset, He will know instantly by the look you have on your face. He won’t let you go, he will hold you so tight and thank God every night that he put you into his life.
I promise you this, when you meet that boy, you will realize why it didn’t work out with someone else.
If I had the power to turn back the hands of time, I would in a heartbeat. I would give anything to be with you again, even if for a day. But I’m almost grateful that I can’t, because the minute I come back, I would have to relive all the pain. And God knows I barely made it out of it.
There is no time of the year, week in a month, day in a week, minute in any hour that I don’t wish you were here. In any given mood, the first person I want to speak to is you. And it breaks my heart every single time I realize that you are not here. And you can’t be here.
I’m at a point in my life where I am finally at ease with the idea of being alone. I am no longer lonely. I am so satisfied with being on my own, completely independent, confident enough to just be myself and be by myself. And I have you to thank for that. I would trade places with you if it meant your life and happiness, because you have restored my faith in life and showed me that happiness is still achievable. Ironic, yes, because you’ve been gone for eight years. But in the ten years I had with you, you’ve given me enough memories to last a lifetime. Your death has forever burned a hole through my heart that no one will ever be able to fill, but that’s okay. I’m not looking for a replacement. I just hope that you are always with me as much as you promised you would be.
I feel crazy for speaking to you in my mind so often, sometimes even out loud. But I know you are listening. I know you are always guiding me and watching over me. And I can only pray that you continue to do just that. I’m not gonna lie, it still hurts me to think about the fact that you’re gone. It always will. But your battle is finally won. And He said, “well done. My faithful servant, well done.”
I love you, and I miss you so much. Rest in peace, Kuya.
doakickflip can we get this one
There’s no words to describe the feelings I have the minute my eyes lock with yours.
I’m so (fucking) in love with you.